Finding the Freedom to Mess Up

I’m excited to share with you some wise words about finding the freedom to mess up, written by my dear friend (and Chat & Craft partner) Beth Kutcher of Life Seasons Support and Counseling Service.

Do it Wrong the Right Way!

by Beth Kutcher

God speaks to me in a lot of different ways but I can honestly say I hear Him most clearly through my children and my attempts at raising them up.  Maybe you can relate? 

I recently had one of these moments when attending my 9-year-old daughter’s first dance rehearsal with her. After a long evening, Shaylynn and I were getting into the car as she gushed about her experience in the large auditorium.  She was so excited as she gave me the play by play on all that went into the workings behind stage. But that is not where God grabbed my attention, no it was not the inner workings of the backstage hustle and bustle, it was the inner workings of my daughter’s heart and more importantly my own!

Assessing Our Personal Performance

As Shaylynn moved on from the lights and sounds to her own assessment of her personal performance, she began letting me know how many times she made a mistake during rehearsal. She didn’t appear bothered by what she had done wrong on stage. Instead, she actually smiled excitedly as she went on about how she missed her mark and that the unfamiliar setting had her a little disoriented.  She told me she had even ended on the wrong side of the stage! 

Now, I am sorry to say what came most naturally to me in response to her was something along the lines of, “Don’t worry Sis, no one would ever know you made a mistake.  The dance was beautiful!”  Not bad right?  If only I had stopped there.  But no, for whatever reason I had to impart my great wisdom by adding, “As long as you don’t tell anyone, no one will ever know.” 

And at that point, the sweet sound of excited chatter stopped.  She hesitated and her confidence seemed to drop a bit as she said, “Oh no!  I already told everyone!”  

She told everyone? How could I have known she would tell everyone? So I back peddled as quickly as I could and went with, “That is what dress rehearsal is all about. It’s so the dancers can get familiar with a new stage.”  I quickly moved onto how impressively her hair bun had stayed in place which to my relief launched her into a lengthy conversation about dance hair and make-up.   

When God Parents the Parent

Shaylynn didn’t seem to give it another thought but I didn’t forget this “foot in mouth moment.”  No, this turned into one of those parenting moments when God began to parent me. Questions such as, “Why did you suggest Shaylynn not tell anyone she made a few mistakes?” and “Why did you assume it mattered to her that people knew she wasn’t perfect?” or “What was so wrong with making mistakes that Shay would need to be secretive about it?” began bubbling up in my heart and mind. And then He got all personal asking me those same questions about recent mistakes I had made. Would I be willing to share my mistakes in real time as though it were just, ummm….normal? 

And then the Lord spoke quite profoundly to my heart regarding His little Shaylynn and now as I write this I believe he was speaking to me as well through Proverbs 29:25: 

“The fear of man brings a snare, But he who trusts in the LORD will be exalted.”

Freedom to Mess Up

The reality is that Shaylynn had no concerns or fear with sharing her realness and humanness with those around her. Quite the contrary, it appeared to give her peace and excitement rather than anxiety. She was living in the freedom and unconditional acceptance of God which allowed her the freedom to make mistakes out in the open.  She was free to go out there and do it wrong, free from anxiety of what others may think!  Isn’t that beautiful! 

I don’t personally recall feeling embarrassed or concerned with her mistakes at all. However, I wrongly assumed she would be afraid of what others thought of her. I assumed the mistakes would rattle her confidence for the next night. I assumed she had a “fear of man,” as I had experienced for the great majority of my own life. Fear of judgment, rejection, humiliation, failure or abandonment.  Fears that apparently I still nurture on some level.  But Shaylynn had not gotten trapped by that snare in this moment. Instead, she was displaying a trust in the LORD which allowed her to enjoy her performance, mistakes and all! She was able to do it wrong the right way! 

Doing it Wrong the Right Way

God reminded me of Galatians 1:10: 

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” 

This is such a great question to ask ourselves every day.  Whether we are changing diapers, trimming hedges, working outside of the home or just trying to figure out what to make for dinner. Chances are, if you are anxious, afraid or overly stressed out, you may be seeking the approval of man (people). But here is the truth, Jesus isn’t overly concerned with how toned your calves are, how long it has been since the toilets were cleaned or how many pink slips your kids have gotten this year.  He is interested in your heart, that’s it.  

Finding Freedom to Mess Up

Sharing the Freedom to Mess Up

Jesus desires that his children dance with the freedom to mess up and do it wrong in all the right ways! How do you do it wrong the right way? You do whatever he has called you to do to the best of your ability and you do it for Him! When our daily performance is for the Lord, we can relax in our mistakes and laugh at our fumbling and missteps knowing He is the one to exalt us, not our skill or efforts! 

How will you allow yourself or someone else to do it wrong the right way today? 

You can watch Beth deliver this message here, then be sure to follow her Facebook page for more great encouragement!

Have you found the freedom to mess up, or does shame from your messes have you shackled? #messes #freeinchrist Click To Tweet

Meet Beth

Beth Kutcher
Life Seasons Support and Counseling

Beth has been blessed with an intuitive nature along with a sincere heart for coming alongside women and their families as they experience the “Mountain Top Moments” of life, but also the “Deep Valleys.” Her personal experience in life makes her relatable, while her licensing and qualifications give her credibility. Beth has the rare ability to both speak authoritatively and listen compassionately, making her the perfect choice to support you in all of life’s seasons. As the mother of two active children, a Bible Study Fellowship Teaching Leader, and an active member of her church, Beth knows firsthand the dynamic challenges today’s families face.

Visit LifeSeasonsSupport for more information and to find out how Beth can support your emotional wellness.

Finding the Freedom to Mess Up

5 thoughts on “Finding the Freedom to Mess Up

  1. Giving ourselves freedom to mess up is a tough one, and I think we can often be our worst critics. It is such a testimony to safety and love when we can. How many times we learn from the little ones in our life!

  2. Everyone needs a place to mess up without having disaster strike. When I taught high school, I tried to provide that place for my students. I just wrote a post about errors and experiments with a very similar theme this week!

  3. Finding the freedom to mess up – and then be open and honest about it can be daunting, can’t it? I love how children are so uninhibited about these things. As adults we are afraid of letting ourselves be vulnerable. But when we do open ourselves up, it really is freeing (in the right setting). Thanks for introducing us to Beth, and for linking up with us over on the Grace and Truth link up.

  4. We are so quick to hide as adults. Little children tell everyone. The verse I kept thinking about as I read this is when Jesus tells us we need to become like little children. Let’s learn there is no shame in making a mistake.

  5. It is hard to give ourselves the freedom to mess up. I have made considerable strides in this area but will always be a work in progress. I needed your message today to remind me to do it for an audience of one. Thank you for sharing with Grace and Truth Link-Up. Loved the video too! Maree

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