As I sorted through the details of my father’s meager estate, I discovered a tendency in my flesh to want to withhold grace from the benefactor of his life insurance policy. As I wrestled with this, I found an even deeper understanding of God’s great grace for all His children.
To Withhold Grace
To the woman who broke my dad’s heart:
I don’t know if you’ve even heard that he died, since you left town and changed your number without so much as a good-bye four years ago.
I’m sure you thought you were doing what was best for you. And I’m not so naive as to think he was completely innocent in whatever happened.
But he loved you.
He loved you enough to leave his only significant, monetary, earthly asset to you. Maybe you never knew it, but he made you his life insurance beneficiary. And didn’t change it after you abandoned him.
My Messy Flesh
In my flesh, I’m convinced you don’t deserve the money.
In my flesh, I want to make you pay, to force you to call me and grovel for the death certificate so you can cash in his policy.
In my flesh, I even entertained the idea of hiring lawyers and arguing that my dad would never in his right mind have wanted you to have it.
In my flesh, I want to hate you.
In my flesh,
I’m a mess.
But The Spirit
But, oh, the Spirit.
The Holy Spirit has been convicting me. You see, I’m also a woman who broke my Heavenly Father’s heart and tried to run away from His love. More than once, at that.
But long ago, He signed a life insurance policy for me in His Son’s blood.
And I need to know that His love and promises are as binding as my dad’s signature on those official documents. That He is faithful to His obligations NO MATTER WHAT. No matter how many times I run away. No matter how often I mess up.
God Doesn’t Withhold Grace
In fact, God’s promises are true for ALL PEOPLE, even for those who are unaware or refuse to accept them. They are true no matter what we think about them.
He freely offers a heavenly inheritance, even when we choose to decline our allotted portion.
The blessings my Heavenly Father has bestowed upon me are no mistake, yet they are scandalous. I’ve turned my back on Him. I don’t deserve them. I can’t earn them. Neither can you. No one can.
This is grace.
And I write about it a lot. Now, I have the opportunity to extend it to you. But this isn’t about any insurance policy. Honestly, I don’t care about the money.
This is about sharing the Gospel. About discovering what grace looks like in real life. About reminding myself how He has blessed me beyond measure when I deserve death and eternal damnation for my continuous string of failures in the flesh. About reassuring those I love that that same grace is available for them. That we can never stray too far to turn back toward Him. No matter what, His grace is always there waiting for us, even when we’ve forgotten about it. He will never change His policy.
God’s Great Grace
Some will say my sister and I, or dad’s grandchildren should be entitled to the money. In the flesh, they may be right, but life insurance isn’t something any of us work for. It’s a gift. It can be tempting to think I have earned more grace than others because I go to church and write Christian devotions and lead in women’s ministry. But I don’t. Where God’s grace is concerned, we are all on equal footing. We are all sinners. We all need grace just the same. And it’s not my place to withhold it from you.
He sent His son on purpose, knowing we are prone to wander.
It is my sincere prayer that when you receive the money, instead of seeing dollar signs, you’d see nails on the cross. That this small gesture will point you toward God’s grace. Because that is His will – that all would come to saving faith in Him.
(another woman chased by grace)
Linking Up With
For more encouragement please join the discussions on these fabulous blog link ups – Suzanne Eller, Faith On Fire, Susan B. Mead, Faith Filled Friday, Grace and Truth, Faith and Fellowship Friday, Soul Survival, Rah Rah Link Up, Tell His Story, Sitting Among Friends, Testimony Tuesday, Planting Roots, and Fresh Market Friday, Salt and Light, and Becoming Press’s Writer Wednesday, Moments of Hope