“JUST SHUT UP!”

Not a sentence anybody wants to hear.

Certainly not someone who loves words the way I do.

Most definitely not from the mouth of their seven year old son.

His choice of words and tone left much to be desired, but he taught me an unmistakable lesson.

Sometimes silence is the very best sound we can make.

As a wife, as a mother, as woman, and a writer, this is a hard truth to swallow. I am passionate about using words to craft compelling sentences that convey truth and love and justice. I get a thrill out of using my words to create emotion and impart information. And if I’m being honest, winning a debate makes me giddy. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that winning looks less like making others see things my way, and more like ensuring I see things God’s way.

My son was too upset with his circumstance to listen to my reasoning. Though I was right to reprimand his actions, the very sound of my voice only caused him to sink deeper into distress. He was not prepared to hear.

The world needs truth, but not everybody is ready to process it. This is not to say we should avoid every difficult conversation, but words that fall on deaf ears are wasted.

Occasionally, our silence may be misunderstood, but with it we provide no evidence for our opposition. When we do speak, we must do as Pythagoras suggested and ensure that our words are worth more than our silence.

This practice goes far deeper than the old adage of not saying anything unless you have something nice to say. It means we only use words that are “good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29).” Scripture clearly states we should always be prepared to give an answer for the hope we have in Christ (1 Peter 3:15), but it also admonishes us to know when to speak and when to keep quiet (Ecclesiastes 3:7).

Let’s think about the hearer and how the message will be received. Consider their feelings, situations, and circumstances. Make an effort to understand their position before the thoughts in our minds spill out of our mouths. Will our words tear down or build up? Will they create or destroy? Will they bring hope or condemnation?

If I’m so busy talking or devising my next witty retort that I don’t grasp what other people are saying or feeling, I have a problem. I should think more about what those listening need to hear than the point I want to make.

Many of us speak or write because we think we have something valuable to say. But true wisdom comes from knowing when it is smarter to keep your mouth shut or your pen still. “Even a fool, when he keeps silent is considered wise (Proverbs 17:28).” I would rather people assume I am wise than open my mouth and prove them wrong.

A word spoken or typed out of turn simply adds to the cacophony of noise that already pervades our lives. I don’t know about you, but I have a tough time ciphering through all the words that are out there. It can be difficult to hear God through the deafening noise of the world and I don’t want to add to it - not for me or my son or for you, either. I want to leave room for us all to hear Him.

Sometimes not saying anything speaks louder than words ever could. After all, the Holy Spirit works best in sacred silence.

Although it pains me to confess that I have not yet read more than a sample chapter, my guess is that Karen Ehman’s New York Times best seller, Keep It Shut, covers some similar ground more eloquently than I ever could. Have you read it? What are your thoughts?

At the very least, her title is infinitely more palatable than my son screaming “JUST SHUT UP!” Perhaps that is the phrase I will coach him to use when he is no longer able to process input from me….

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for giving me the gift of gab. Help me to always use my words with the hearer’s heart in mind. Be the guard and gatekeeper over my mouth and help me to know when saying nothing is far more beneficial that any words I could spin. Help me to always speak life, truth, grace and love at the right time. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.

Psalm 141:3